What Slips Our Mind

08 Feb 2026 Leave a comment

by Denise in anger, Authoritarian, Buddhism, Government, Kindness, meditation, Politics, President, Republican, Spirituality, Trump Tags: , , , , , , ,

The world has no need to be represented: there it is, all around us, all the time. What it needs is to be loved better. Or maybe, what we need is to be reminded to love it and to be shown how, because sometimes, busy as we get trying to stay alive, loving the world slips our mind.
George Saunders

I listened to Heather Cox Richardson talk about the murder of Alex Pretti right after it happened. She was, in her words, “incensed” and “furious beyond articulation.” She explained that was why her voice sounded flat. She was so choked up by the end of the video that she simply asked that we carry the torch forward, then abruptly cut off. She never does that – it is a measure of her grief and humanity.

I’ve called a bunch of republican senators and left messages, blaming them for the murder of both Alex Pretti and Rene Good. It’s not enough. It felt like nothing because to shame someone, they have to be capable of feeling shame. I am devastated by this. I listen to HCR at least twice a week because while on the one hand she reminds us this is going to get much worse, on the other, she offers the facts of any given situation and she holds steady. We need people like her.

And we need to listen to all the sane politicians who are telling us not to get violent. That is what Trump and his regime want. They want to goad people until they lose their shit and that will give them an excuse to send in the military and create police states across the country. We can’t let this happen.

This is a tall ask not only because of the regime’s actions, but because they then rush to the nearest microphone to tell us what we saw is not what we saw and that what is so, is not. Suddenly the country is filled with “domestic terrorists” as a pretext for the Insurrection Act. Unfortunately, this is true. It’s just that the terrorists are inside the White House. 

I’ve read 1984 many times. During each reading my anxiety was palpable. To imagine having to live that – I thought it a really well-written fantasy. But it is here, it is now.

Like many, I feel helpless. We must continue to protest, to call, to write letters, to stay informed….but what else? This morning I thought that I needed to get my mind right. We all need to get our minds right. We need to protest what is happening and protect our neighbors without doing Trump’s work for him.

I’ve been thinking to do more than dabble in Buddhism. Yes, I meditate daily, read – or half-read – a book here and there, listen to the occasional Dharma talk. But I want more structure and I want it on a sustained basis. I want more than to meditate and to remind myself to be present as I go about my day. I want teaching.

I decided to start with an IMS (Insight Meditation Society) audio program which I’m listening to on the Buddhist retreat I’m currently at. I know enough about Buddhism to know that we are to love, no matter what. And one of the reasons I’ve avoided more serious inquiry into Buddhism is just that. Because that means facing what is happening in this country and the people who are causing it and what? Love them? Cos-player Kristi Noem? Evil white nationalist Stephen Miller? Blowhard J.D. Vance? Degenerate Trump? And the feckless, cowardly, sycophantic republicans supporting them?

You see my problem.

I know full well that any bitter feelings I have are felt by me and therefore I am the one who suffers them. One of my favorite sayings is “Being angry is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” And nothing about Buddhism is stupid – it is not a philosophy of sit home and say “om” and do nothing. It’s about the mind that you do it with. Can I be angry in a skillful way?

This is no easy ask but it’s worth the work of practicing it. The people in Minneapolis are living this. Their response has been to assemble peacefully, protest loudly, help their friends and neighbors. I am in awe with the way they are handling the murderers – aka ICE – that have been sent into their community.

The nation watches this and we seethe. We know what it is to hate. Hate is what rises when I have even a passing thought of Trump and sycophantic regime. But I am the one who suffers that. And I wouldn’t want to act in that state of mind because no good will come for anyone if I do.

That doesn’t mean not to act. The question is what works to free the mind from suffering, from hate. Then we can act skillfully. Metta meditation, also known as loving-kindness, is practice rooted in cultivating compassion, love and goodwill. It involves saying a set of phrases to oneself, to a loved one, to a neutral person, to a difficult person and then to all beings. It is the most difficult form of meditation for me and I mostly avoid it. I’ve got my phrases: May you be happy, may you be free from suffering, may you know peace, joy and prosperity, may you know love.

The point is not that I am going to magically alter anyone’s life by saying these things. I’m not going to make anyone happy or rich or peaceful. What I’m trying to do is open my heart and clear my mind. If I truly feel compassion, I will do no harm. Kindness will be felt not only by whoever I’m directing it to but also by me. I know this because I’ve felt kindness rise and flow. It is not something I can control, but the by-product of practice. Would that I feel it all the time, but such is the nature of impermanence. Even a preferred state of being will pass.

This has been a really long way of writing what I’m about to write, as offensive as it might sound. I do not mean it that way. When I think of a “difficult” person, it’s someone I’m having a hard time, someone that brings up rage, disgust, resentment. There is no one who does that more than Trump and his devotees. Am I to sit and wish them…well, anything other than living whatever their very own version of hell would be? Because wishing them dead seems an easy out for them.

But think about this. If any of those miscreants were happy or joyful or peaceful or free from suffering, would they act as they do? So maybe the words are something like, “May you be free from rage, from evil, from greed, from racism, from degeneracy.”  Because again – the goal is to ease these things in our own minds so we can can see clearly enough to take right action and not make any of this worse.

We must overcome Trump, and in the process, not become him.

© 2026 Denise Smyth

Surface Dive

21 Aug 2022 1 Comment

by Denise in alcoholism, Alzheimer, anger, Family, meditation Tags: , , , ,

Self-centeredness, self-pity. Traits, I’m told, of the alcoholic. Traits, I say, of humans. But in the context of addiction, the work is to learn to live sober and these are two of the things to pay honest attention to on the road to recovery.

Note – it might be prudent to explain my mother’s current condition. She is fairly healthy for 90, on two medications for her memory and one for high blood pressure. She can, with difficulty, get up and down the stairs on her own, can bathe and use the bathroom on her own. She dresses herself. She is no longer allowed to drive, which is causing her great angst. She remembers things from long ago but forgets what happened two minutes ago. I have called her within a few minutes of someone else calling her and she does not remember talking to that other person. She will often call me after I’ve spoken to her to ask if I just called and what we talked about. She repeats the same questions over and over during conversations and repeats the same sentences no matter how many times you call or how often you speak to her. She is irritable. She is at a point in this disease where it is not clear what she needs, but it is clear she should have even a few hours of daily company which is why we’ve hired someone.

I am going to start by indulging in self-centeredness. My mom’s Alzheimer’s might not be about me but that’s how I come at it. My behavior does not reflect this. My rage does. I call my mom regularly, stay on top of her caregiver, am working to get her Medicaid, helping to manage her finances. All this I do with my brother R. and sister-in-law M. and I try to focus not only on the fact that I am doing for this for them, but that being in this situation has brought me close to them in ways that previously did not exist. So mom, thank you .

Overriding all is rage. “Radical Compassion” by Tara Brach has been suggested reading for me. Once in a while I’ll actually purchase something suggested, most of the time I’ll read a couple pages before it finds its place, in alphabetical order, on the “Definitely Later” Shelf. The fact that I’ve purchased a title in book form instead of as a virtual download doesn’t give it much chance of being read. I read mostly fiction on my iPad as it is easier on my aging eyes and for the last two years it’s been difficult to get me to read anything beyond historical fiction dedicated to The Tudors and the centuries prior to their reign.

But I have begun to read “Radical Compassion,” which discusses meditation by the RAIN method. If you’re as disenchanted with meditation as I am, I’d suggest you give this book a shot. RAIN stands for Recognize – Allow – Investigate – Nurture. Since I’ve only read about 50 pages of the book, if you like what I say go ahead and get it for yourself to see what the whole thing is about because I sure don’t know. I plan on reading more, but I’ve begun to work with the first few steps which are much more interesting – as well as more painful – than my usual way of meditation which involves sitting quietly and focusing on my breath. Then when I notice I’m thinking, I label my thoughts, “thinking,” and bring my attention back to my breath, and so on. I admit to never having given that enough of a chance – I’ve done it for weeks at a time, then lost interest.

As for RAIN, I’ve gone through the first few steps, using my mom’s Alzheimer’s as a starting point. Recognizing, which means simply recognizing what I’m feeling. Allowing, letting my feelings be. No judging, ignoring, wishing them away. Investigate – this is the interesting part. Brach writes specific questions regarding this stage in case you’re having trouble. I left out the Nurture part for now. But I came up with a couple realizations and lots of self-centeredness.

It’s not just that I’m enraged that my mom has Alzheimer’s and that I am powerless over this. It’s realizing what’s expected of me and I want none of it. I am trapped in this. My mom needs help and Alzheimer’s does not get better. It’s progressive and unpredictable. It can take months or years to reach full progression. It is costly and having taken a look at her finances, she doesn’t have what she needs which is yet more angst as I find myself wanting to screech My dad did not deal with this and I certainly am not going to! She needs daily attention and we do not know when this will turn into hourly attention. To that end, my brother and I are working with a Senior Advisor to get additional insurance in place for her to be able to get her the help she needs. The goal is to keep her in her house. Which, I might add, does not have a bathroom on the main floor nor space to add one. She can get up and down the stairs for now, but for how long?

R and M have been going the extra mile. They live closer and will pick her up to take her places. My brother works in Brooklyn and will at times stop by after work to see how she’s doing. I’m in New Jersey. Not so far, but travel there is through the Highways of Hell (for any who gets it: Garden State, Route 280, NJ Turnpike, Staten Island Expressway, plus two bridges thrown in) and the early morning 50 minute drive invariably turns into at least 2-1/2 hours to get home.

Sitting quietly and “investigating” brought up only the tip of what I’m experiencing. I’ve already known I want no part of this, that when I sit and think about it, I feel the anxiety. I am ashamed that these feelings will be seen by my brother and M and they will hate me for it. I am afraid this is going to go on for a long time and I will not be able to keep this pretense up. I am angry about what’s to come – the act of going to her house and dealing the decades-old accumulation of boxes and paper and what looks to me like junk that’s held on to for the sake of holding on. It is hard to breathe in that house, the house I grew up in since third grade, the house I flew out of at 22 as soon as I was able. Still I feel whatever I am saying here is at surface level. Still I must do a deeper dive if I’m to come to a real understanding of what’s driving me. But the closest I’ve come to something new is the fact that I have depended upon my mother to be the one to the blame and without her, without that, who am I?

© 2022 Denise Smyth