A Few Photos…

I added a few more photos. The third one down, of Philip and Natalie, is part of the same portrait session as the other two. The rest are at the end. See, he was here; he really was. Do I get to the part where I look and smile because of what he means to me? You all should know, you who’ve lost those you love most. And I thank you all for caring.


13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. behindthemaskofabuse
    Jul 27, 2013 @ 16:32:04

    Big hugs xo


  2. grahamforeverinmyheart
    Jul 27, 2013 @ 19:33:07

    It’s impossible to fathom how someone so young and vibrant, who looks so “here” in the photos, can be gone. You have beautiful children.


    • Denise
      Jul 27, 2013 @ 21:39:33

      Thank you; and Graham, too. I am still in shock. Philip is real, Graham is real; this is not an abstraction. There’s nothing to “figure out.” They are gone; what are we going to do? We do what we do with every breath we take. We go on, but it’s not the same world. I am tired of missing him, of hurting for him; I am so very tired…

      I so appreciate you. I really do.


      • grahamforeverinmyheart
        Jul 28, 2013 @ 09:33:57

        Here’s a quote from the latest blog post by Robin at Beautiful and Terrible (1st page of my website): “No, the thing that defines me is: I have three children and one of them is not here. I miss him so much that I live each day, no matter how satisfying or productive or filled with love, around a crater of loss. His death, the fact of it, the gone-ness of him, the mystery of where he is now, define almost everything I do in ministry, every way I think about theology, every twist and turn in my cycle of despair and hope.” I recommend reading the entire post, (in fact everything she writes).

      • Denise
        Jul 28, 2013 @ 21:53:47

        Yes, yes, yes. I’ve heard that people say, “I’m not going to let this define my life” or “I don’t want to be known as the parent who lost her child.” Philip’s death is part of everything I do, and I do not want people to forget I am a mother who lost her child. Thanks for that, and I will check her out.

  3. Judy
    Jul 27, 2013 @ 20:44:03

    I know you have been going through a lot of change, lately. I am thinking of you. You are suffering so and I love the way you are able to express your pain on this blog. Keep writing.


  4. Denise
    Jul 27, 2013 @ 21:42:36

    Judy, thank you for thinking of me. Everything feels so hard, so very hard again. I’ve a hole in me; a chasm, really. It’s like I need something; but what, here, is going to soothe me? You well know what I mean. Thanks for not leaving me alone.


  5. Lucia Maya
    Aug 01, 2013 @ 02:40:47

    Thanks for sharing more photos – what beautiful children they are, beautiful beings, both of them! Ahhh, feeling your loss, my loss, and all of us – it’s truly unfathomable…it just can’t make any sense to the mind!


  6. Denise
    Aug 01, 2013 @ 14:35:56

    As I’d written earlier, it’s my mind that wants to “know” while my spirit wants to be free. Mind’s winning out lately…


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