Forever 21

I’m not much active on social media. Other than my blog, I’ve thought it best to steer clear. I’m not even particularly active on this blog any more. I’m focused on writing a book and that takes about all the energy I have. And for a long time I refused to write anything political here. This was about living with the Philip’s death, not the never-ending, un-winnable political arguments about being right. I chose peace instead

I started a Facebook page in 2009 – rather, Natalie started it for me. I never posted anything on it. It allowed some people from my past to “find” me and in each case it was a win. But when Philip died and I started this blog, I linked it to Facebook so people would be notified when I posted. Then Facebook  changed that. I’m not sure what they did, exactly, except that my blog, Forever 21, now has its own Facebook page. I doubt it ever gets read.

Of course, social media has its uses but damn if it isn’t a swamp out there. Yes, I watch Youtube videos of Lee Asher and the wonderful ways he rescues animals. I sometimes watch monologues from Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers. I don’t have cable so that’s the only way I can see them. But what is going on in this country is a call to action and what I know how to do is write. So I took half of my last post – the Trump half – and posted it on Facebook. A few friends commented, I got a few thumbs up. I didn’t expect much since I don’t have many “friends” nor am I active. But damn it felt good to add my voice to those who are protesting the degradation and radicalization of this country.

What I truly didn’t expect was the unhinged rant I received in a comment by someone I know, followed by several angry text messages. She attacked and accused me of not wanting to “listen to the other side.” Said person is a Trump supporter. We are generally friendly, don’t see each other much  and when we do, we don’t discuss politics. She posts about her support for Trump on Facebook. I don’t read what she writes and wouldn’t comment on it if I did. What for? There’s a difference between a thoughtful conversation and a rant and I’ve no interest in the latter.

Still, this struck a chord. The left has been accused of TDS, but it’s the right that needs to be treated for it. 

I live a pretty quiet life. I’ve written a lot in this blog about my struggles. I had a difficult childhood, I’ve dealt with alcohol, drugs, anorexia and bulimia. I found marriage difficult, I find maintaining friendships difficult. I’m estranged from most of my family. My son has died and no matter how ineffable the grief I continue to try to put words on it. I write to connect because I think at its core, it’s all relatable. We might not be suffering every moment, but we are no strangers to it.

I’ve stayed away from social media as it’s full of bile and rage. People get to say what they want without actually looking into the eyes of the person/people they most want to say it to. They think it brave, I think it cowardly. I well know how much easier it is to write what I want to say to someone instead of actually saying it. People have been hurt by things I wrote, which was never my intent. I write about life as I experience it and I’ve no control over how anyone hears it. “We see the world not as it is, but as we are,” wrote Anais Nin.

But there’s a shift in the world and I’m off balance because it’s leaning right while I’m straining toward the left. I’m not so sure any more about assuming someone’s going to fix this while I concentrate on Buddhism and meditating and figuring out how to be kind when I don’t always feel that way. Or how to love when I’m so often angry. And those things do matter. I’m also not sure if my silence is because I find the world too hurtful and hateful to be part of or if it’s because I can’t figure out how to be an effective part of change. Or because I don’t want people to be mean to me which makes even me want to give myself a thorough shaking and say, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

I have done a spectacular job of protecting myself. In a word: withdraw. But I am restless now. Trump and his sycophantic administration’s bullying was meant to scare people into submission. What he’s done, instead, has woken us up. “Chaos is a ladder,” said Little Finger in Game of Thrones. What he meant was the person who created it would climb it to power. But I don’t think Trump is going to get there first. I think the ladder’s going to be climbed by the millions he’s taunted and betrayed. It’s part of the struggle that’s as old as the human race. And as John Steinbeck wrote, “It’s not that evil wins—it won’t—it’s that it won’t die”

© 2025 Denise Smyth