To all of you…

This is a day when many think about gratitude, but what I’m more thinking of now is forgiveness and perception. Because these are the portals to gratitude, and these are what I’ll be writing about next.

But not today. Today I just want to say that I do know what I have to be grateful for. First for my children; Natalie, who’s teaching me how to keep it real, and Philip, who’s teaching me to see it differently. And for all of you who’ve been helping me through his death. Because even though I’ve become one of the walking wounded, I don’t walk this way alone. I’m sorry for those I’ve joined, and for those who’ve come after. I want to say, “No one should go through this.” But it’s not for me to make that judgment. All I know is that this is where we are, and it’s what we mean to each other that’ll help get us through.

And today I’m wishing peace to all of you, even if it seems a distant dream. Because whatever short moments I’ve found of it these last months, it’s had much to do with all of you.


© 2013 Denise Smyth


25 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Joyce McCartney
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 12:31:20

    Happy Thanksgiving friend


  2. kmlagatree
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 13:18:20

    Love to you, Denise. I hope you have a peaceful day. Beautiful post. Kirsten

    Sent from my iPhone



  3. Lucia Maya
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 16:24:57

    Gratitude and love to you my friend. Today and all days.


  4. lensgirl53
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 17:09:59

    I pray for peace for you and am grateful to know the love and care you have expressed by comments on my blog and the empathy and compassion you share to all who read your blog. God be with you and Natalie as you remember your Philip this Thanksgiving. xoxo


    • Denise
      Nov 28, 2013 @ 23:39:16

      And how I appreciate your prayers, and the care and attention that are their source. Love to you and Brandon, who I know is always with you, even if it’s not in the way that you -or I – would choose.


  5. behindthemaskofabuse
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 17:40:32

    Lots of love xo


  6. jmgoyder
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 19:56:02

    Love to you.


  7. Denise
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 23:44:07

    And to you, Julie. You are another gift Philip’s brought into my life.


  8. gracielynne62013
    Nov 29, 2013 @ 11:23:48

    This post just makes me want to hug you… and not let go.


  9. Denise
    Nov 29, 2013 @ 13:43:19

    I’m so touched to have just seen this – I’m having an awful case of the day-after blues; sometimes I’m so terribly, irrationally lonely because Philip died, and there isn’t anything for it. But here you are – so thank you, because if I need anything, it’s a good, long hug.


  10. Greet Grief
    Nov 29, 2013 @ 19:27:28

    The miracle of blessings among strangers and the bonds that form when our experiences are similar. Your strength is evidenced in that fact that you see the gift!
    Continued blessings on your journey.


  11. Denise
    Nov 29, 2013 @ 21:59:18

    And to you, friend; I still don’t know how you see the things the way you do, but you wrote that you now understand “time heals all wounds.” I will always carry this, and sometimes I think I am not going to be able to much longer; but it’s just now, isn’t it? And then one day now feels better, doesn’t feel so unbearable. Bits and pieces.

    thank you for caring.


  12. Susan
    Nov 30, 2013 @ 18:36:56

    Just beautiful like you


  13. Unconfirmed Bachelorette
    Nov 30, 2013 @ 22:02:45

    Thank you, Denise. Peace to you.


  14. rconnectus45
    Dec 03, 2013 @ 16:37:14

    In dealing with my husband’s death it seems that I can feel a scab has developed now.The wound is still there, but the pain is no longer so sharp and raw. But other times it seems that everything reminds me of him. The first Thanksgiving without him etc. etc.


  15. Denise
    Dec 03, 2013 @ 17:57:53

    Yes, exactly. I find it’s the aftermath. There’s a certain busy-ness beforehand, then the gathering, where it’s glaring that Philip isn’t there – am I the only one thinking of him? It’s my second Thanksgiving. But dinner was okay. But today – oh, that scab was picked and oozing bloody bile and I took many bathroom breaks to cry. I feel so alone; it’s between me and my grief. But there’s respite here, in my blog, in others’ blogs, in listening to what others suffer and in that, unfortunately, I am not alone.

    Thank you for reminding me of that.


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